the worst moirails: a horrible shipping-only AU

i’m sorry world, i am a slave to the crossover gods. i was just watching on stranger tides and then suddenly this 95% shipping chart AU thing was everywhere i don’t know what happened.


jack never listens to anyone’s shooshes about anything and half the time he’s talked gibbs into whatever stupid shit he wants to do. they do a lot of feelings jamming in bottle piles though.

Jack is a redblood, which is to blame a bit for his thirst for immortality. Since trolls grow teeth back, the gold fangs are more a deliberate attempt to look hardcore and less just returning the ability to chew. His compass is his symbol I guess? I couldn’t decide between the sparrow from his flag or the compass. Gibbs is probably a greenblood or something, but he’s in blue because it looked weird otherwise….. I can’t decide if Teague is Jack’s ancestor or his real lusus, but he definitely has a terribly taxidermied birdmom:

don’t let him fool you he has poured his soul out to that thing

Gibbs has a pig lusus, Elizabeth has a swan in a wig, Barbossa has a monkey. Elizabeth has bullied Jack into being the official auspistice between Will and Norrington for the sake of her matespritship but he does not actually put any real effort into it. Jack is Flushed 4ever for the Pearl because OTP OTP OTP OTP SHUT UP

his kismesis is barbosssa but he is kind of bad at that too what with killing him that one time and all


he got better though. (also thanks for having a giant hat, Hector, cause I am really bad at horn designs.)

Jack, being Jack, cheats on everyone in every quadrant all the time shooshpapping and meddling and banging folks all over the place as the situation or his mood demands THE END